Search Request Weekly

Here we are: the latest batch of weird, wacky and interesting search requests that have brought poor misguided souls to this blog.

transmetropolitan slash fanfiction: The possibilities frighten me.

julius ceaser personality type: Um... I'm gonna go with "dominant and self-motivated."

facts "Alkalai swamp" -hotel -tour: Interestingly, I am apparently the only Google result for this. Guess most people just aren't interested in that swamp unless they can get a hotel and a tour.

real person fanfic geddy lee: I am simultaneously repulsed and fascinated. I thought you only got that sort of thing with annoying boy bands.

nomad zen xtra crack: Oh, man, I had weird thoughts involving that crazy space probe from the original Star Trek, the ship's computer on Blake's 7, and hardcore drugs, before I realized that this was probably just talking about a damaged mp3 player.

new dalek spoilers +sink plunger: I always thought of it more as a toilet plunger. Hmm. There's probably a joke to be made there involving the words "exterminate" and "excrete" or something, but I'm not gonna go looking for it.

nude hiker's day: 7:30 AM: Woke up. Got tiny burns in sensitive places from sparks from cooking fire. 9:00 AM: Started out on the day's hike. Got scratches in sensitive places from unfortunate encounter with thorny branches. 12:30 PM: Noticed I was developing sunburn in sensitive places. 2:00 PM: Really unfortunate encounter with poison oak...

"alan rickman" +copius: Copious? Is he? How... interesting.

tranquilizer spandex story teen: Must be an interesting story!

embarrassing porn bloopers: Are people who act in porn movies even capable of embarrassment?

vote beeblebrox video download: Hey, he's got my vote, even without seeing his political commercials!

"paul goddard" keyboard: Does he have a special keyboard?

warning your employees about a "dangerous customer": Geez, where do you work?!

bath book muppet waterproof: Hey, I want a waterproof book about muppets to read in the bath! Preferably Farscape muppets.

nude male captains: How can you tell what their rank is if they're nude?

eccleston love: He wasn't really getting much of that for a while, what with being a great big quitter and all.

"drinking game" hornblower: Every time you see the ocean, take a drink...

magician's assistant +ticklish feet: So it's not enough that she gets sawed in half, but she gets her poor detached feet tickled, too?

a fish in Japan my half-sister goth: Your half-sister's a goth Japanese fish? What?

download free songs Tamara ooh ah: Ooh, ah! Tamara's gonna get in trouble with the RIAA!

internet tonight nude klingons: Thanks. I was wondering what was on the internet tonight.

quality of life, life satisfaction: Well, aren't we all looking for those?

Wait a Minute! I'm Doing Work!

Hmm. I appear to have suddenly passed the point in unpacking and setting things up in the house where I go from feeling all absorbed and driven to finish to the point where it becomes... tedious. Damn it. Still, I made a hell of a lot of progress while in that obsessive phase, so I guess I shouldn't complain.

Fifteen Minutes of Fame, Here I Come!

So, I went up to Albuquerque today, ran some errands, did some shopping, got the oil changed on the car... and got my picture taken for the newspaper. An old college buddy of mine works for the Albuquerque Journal, see, and he happens to be writing an article on local bloggers. Now, why anybody would think yours truly or this blog were remotely newsworthy, I don't know, but he showed me bits of the article he'd written, and it did look pretty cool. I believe it'll appear on May 15th, if those of you in the area are curious about how it comes out.

Does This Make Me Unhip?

Your Taste in Music:

Progressive Rock: Highest Influence

Classic Rock: Medium Influence

80's Alternative: Low Influence

80's Rock: Low Influence

90's Pop: Low Influence

Adult Alternative: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

More Moving Maunderings

Random thought while unpacking and arranging my videotapes: Normal people don't need episode guides to set up house, do they? Also, it says something about my priorities than I've now unpacked the tapes, DVDs and several hundred books, but all my pots and pans are still in boxes. Though I'm sure that surprises no one who knows me.

Thought to keep in mind for future reference: Prefab bookshelves that claim not to require tools to assemble are much more of a pain in the as to put together than the ones that tell you you'll need two screwdrivers and a hammer.

Blatant advertisement: Anybody in my neck of the woods know somebody who wants to buy a used refrigerator? I got an extra one taking up space where I could be putting books.

I've Never Been Called a "Soccer Mom" Before. And Probably Never Will Be Again.

I am: 43% Republican.

"Congratulations, you're a swing voter. When they say 'Soccer Mom', they mean you. Every Democratic ad on the TV set was made just for your viewing enjoyment. Don't you feel special?"

Are You A Republican?

And, While I'm Actually Making Fannish Posts...

There are authentic Farscape costumes being auctioned off on ebay, including Crais's uniform, D'Argo's outfit, Aeryn's leathers, and other stuff. Anybody got $1,000 or so to spare? My birthday's in July.

Ooooh, Shiny!

The trailer for Serenity, the big-screen Firefly movie, is now available online, and, damn, but it looks pretty!

A Moving Miscellany

Just some random thoughts as I continue the settling-in process...

It's nice not to live in a trailer. No matter how hard the wind blows, the house doesn't shake! It's actually taking some getting used to.

The cats have apparently decided that this place is OK and nothing here is going to hurt them, and started to relax. Which, from my perspective, isn't all that great a thing, because it means they now have the self-confidence to start getting into stuff.

This moving thing has completely screwed up my sleep patterns. The last couple of nights, I've dropped from exhaustion around 10 PM, and then woken up, completely unable to get back to sleep, around 4:00. The first time, I can blame my allergies, but the second time apparently it was just my brain, which started thinking about where I was going to put things and didn't want to stop. Eventually I gave up, got out of bed, and spent the small hours of the morning assembling bookshelves. Which brings me to another advantage of living here: in the trailer park, with my windows ten feet from my neighbors', I never would have felt free to hammer nails at five o'clock in the morning. Not that the neighbors ever seemed to let that stand in their way.

I believe I mentioned buying an outdoor thermometer as one of the first New House Purchases. Well, that thing was a disappointment. I was pretty sure I'd hung it out of the sun, but it was still consistently reading 20-40 degrees too high. But that's OK, because I found a better toy: a radio-controlled atomic clock with a wireless connection to an outdoor temperature sensor. Hey, I needed a new clock for the living room. I used to have a Star Trek clock, but it quit working. I'm really not sure which of those two things is geekier.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go and unpack books. Which I figure should take me about three weeks, since that's how long it took me to pack 'em.

Homecoming

Hello! Geez, I didn't mean to be offline that long... They moved my wireless antenna over to the new place on Friday. I got my furniture -- including my computer desk so I could set up my computer -- moved in on Sunday. I figured I'd be back online Sunday night, but it turns out they'd forgotten to give me the ID for the new access point, and the software refused to cooperate without it. Oops. And I don't have phone service hooked up at the new place yet -- the phone company isn't going to be out until Wednesday -- which means that I kept having to run back and forth to the old place to call my ISP and check my messages.

Anyway. Things are in complete pandemonium at the moment. It's hard to walk through the house without tripping over scattered furniture and half-unpacked boxes, and I'm beginning to think the two weeks of vacation I still have coming aren't going to be nearly enough to make even a dent in the organizing and unpacking. Actually, not having net access for two days probably did a great deal to increase my productivity, but the withdrawal symptoms weren't exactly fun. Also, apparently spending three hours moving furniture leaves me feeling like I've been beaten up and left for dead in an alley. I think I'm going to have this house for the rest of my life, because I'm already getting too old for this moving shit.

What else? Well, the cats were majorly freaked out, as you'd expect. Nova stayed in the cat carrier for several minutes after I brought him over, hissing and growling at the house, which was really rather cute, in a sad way. But they seem to be settling in OK now.

I've got a ton of e-mail and stuff to answer, plus, y'know, the whole moving-in thing going on, so if any of you are expecting to hear from me on a more one-to-one basis, you may be expecting for a while. We'll see how often I'm in need of an internet break...

Search Request Weeky, Pt. 2

See? I wasn't kidding about there being a lot of them!

moody blues extraterrestrials: Well, they've already admitted to being time travelers.

"steer the situation" romance: Why do I suddenly have the image of Homer Simpson trying to teach Grampa how to score with women? "So if I take your advice and make your patented move, then my chances for love will slightly improve!"

jimmy buffett insulated coffee mug: Somehow, a margarita glass would seem more appropriate.

Show Me Maximum Boobage Pictures: No. But you get points for using the word "boobage."

labor inducing milkshake: Wow, I hope they don't sell that at the Tastee Freez!

cliff notes for judy blume tiger eyes: Sigh. You know we're living in an illiterate society when people want cliff notes for Judy Blume novels.

bulleted causes of the war of 1812: Did they have bullets by then, or was it still musket balls? Sorry, sorry... That was bad, even for me.

sex verbosity: What, you mean, like, "Ooh baby, harder?"

diy rotating spinner bar: I have no idea what that is, but it sounds like a fun thing to have.

stick figures shoot multiple weapons: Yeah, you gotta watch out for those stick figures. They're real violent types.

Titanic Simpsons fanfic: Because there's nothing The Simpsons won't cross over with.

"duck porn": What a fowl idea. (Sorry!)

banik cover dvd: There was one on the cover of one of the Farscape DVDs. I think he had his "I've just been vomited on my a muppet!" expression on.

bunioned beauty: Well, I'm one of those two things.

battlestar galactica nude: Hey, there's nowhere the poor ship's going to be able to go for a nice coat of paint now.

tickling feet on t.v.: Judging by how many search requests I get involving some variation on the word "tickle," I'd say there's an audience for a Tickling Channel.

T'Pol -toons gallery: Aw, but I bet T'Pol would be cute as a toon.

Farscape Quotes Peacekeeper Wars Stark: My favorite? John: "Convince them it's not our fault!" Stark: "It's not our fault! It's not our fault!"

tolkien thesis sentence: You're never going to get your Tolkien paper written this way.

sexy daughter OR wife OR mom OR sister OR aunt "see pictures of my": You forgot "niece" and "grandmother."

Delvian Goddess: Anybody have any idea how to actually spell her name?

betty boob tattoos: Hey, nobody's coming near my boobs with a needle!

here's my boobs: Put those away!

21st birthday nude party pictures: I hope it was a summer birthday.

Lego/organization structure: Why do I have this image of the Lego company's organizational chart being printed on little interlocking bricks?

"the grapes of wrath" steinbeck tinkerbell: Ah, yes, the little-known excised "Tinkerbell" scenes were wisely cut from the novel.

ned flanders in the shower naked: Well, hey, on the list of Simpsons characters it would least scar me to see naked, he's actually pretty near the top.

calvin hobbes "don't blame me" dog: How could anyone blame innocent little Calvin for anything? Including whatever he did to the dog.

marvin the martian area 51 t-shirt: I have never seen this, but I want one.

"Doctor Who" nude: Alas, the only Doctor we got to see nude (tastefully and partially, of course) was Pertwee. This strikes me as entirely unfair.

malcolm and reed enterprise funny stuff: I'd probably find Malcolm and Reed funny if Enterprise in general hadn't pretty much put me to sleep.

"what if the lord" of rings written andrews: What Andrews? Julie Andrews? That could be interesting, I guess.

Kent McCord nude: Oh, I'd dearly like to add that to my collection of nude farscape search requests, because I haven't gotten any guest characters at all, but, alas, if it's the actor rather than the character, it doesn't count. Anybody want to see Jack Crichton nude? Hmm?

"t'pol" naked and on breast: You should talk to that boob tattoo artist if you want her naked on your breast.

t'pol spock's grandmother: Oh, for gods' sakes, please tell me it isn't so!

"marvin martian" "fanfiction": Hey, I can think of some interesting crossover possibilities...

"most endangered species": It's man! Oh, wait, sorry. That's "the most dangerous game."

cooter cleavage: I don't know what that means, but, damn it's fun to say!

joss feet pics: Is there something particularly interesting about Joss's feet? Does he have freaky mutant feet? 'Cause that would be interesting.

"never tell the same lie twice" garak: Ah, good old Garak. Thanks to him, I will never look at the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf the same way again.

eccleston SEXY: Eh, I suppose, but I still prefer McGann. Mmmm, McGann...

braca love fanfiction: There's no love like Braca love!

sims nude patch does not work: So your poor sims have to go around fully clothed? How horrible!

ophiucus personality traits: Ophiuchus is composed of many distant but hot-headed individuals...

technobabble rpg chart: I was briefly in a Star Trek game where the GM made up one of those. You got bonuses to your engineering rolls if you used words like "quantum."

Geraint Wyn Davies asshole: I wonder if that's a comment on his personality, or an expression of interest in a portion of his anatomy? On second thought, I don't want to know.

contacting Leonard Cohen by snail mail: Uh... Try his record label.

unconscious self-inflicted pain: I was going to say that it's kind of hard to inflict pain on yourself when you're unconscious, but then I thought of a few interesting things I'd somehow managed to do in my sleep, so never mind.

Sentimental Boobs: Well, that gives new meaning to the words "family heirloom."

farscape moya's ride song lyrics: The only thing I can think of that this might possibly refer to is Rygel's cute little drunken song about how Dominars don't travel in reverse. I love Rygel.

"computer speakers" making crackling noises: Mine were doing that, but they seem to have stopped. Thus proving that sometimes if you ignore problems they do go away.

"sexy thing" ascii art: Maybe I just lack the proper art-appreciation abilities, but I honestly can't imagine finding anything done in ascii sexy.

stark farscape quote vast: Oh, how sad is it that I know exactly which quote they were looking for?

"High Council of Time Lords": I think they're in a meeting. Knowing them, a very long and boring meeting.

My day today? Nothing major, just Xenon base gone, Scorpio gone: Oh, Avon, quite whining!

trouble copying blake's 7 dvd: Well, I don't think they want you to copy it.

Search Request Weekly

Once again, I missed a week, and once again, the resulting batch of saved-up search requests is huge. Actually, it's so huge that I'm breaking it up. You get some now, and some later when I feel like it.

How to eat fried green worms student classwork: No, you're confusing fried worms with fried tomatoes.

buzzy the mockingbird cartoon: I don't know anything about buzzy the mockingbird, but my first grade play was about Buzzy the Bear. (I was Momma Bear.)

fanfiction + "Ceti Eels": Yeah, those critters don't get nearly enough fic.

captured by vampires quizzes: What a nightmare scenario! Captured by vampires and forced to take quizzes!

knick knack download animation: For people who can't be bothered buying real knick-knacks?

Nude or nearly naked comic heroines: Doesn't "nearly naked" describe most of them, anyway?

what song do I want google?: Alas, there are some questions even Google cannot answer.

wma/something stupid: Well, it's a microsoft format, what do you expect?

adult kira nerys fake pictures -ru: Who or what is ru, and why don't we want it in our nude Kira pics?

angels forever porno pics: Are angels even supposed to be capable of that sort of thing?

nude pics of Kirk & Spock: Together, or separately?

"Paradise Lost in Space" theme: OK, if there isn't something with that title, there should be.

Sprite vs. 7up: Next week on Celebrity Deathmatch!

7up waffles: I can't decide whether that sounds utterly disgusting or kind of like it might be yummy.

the phrase "oh man" where did it come from?: The phrase in question is a combination of the exclamation "oh" and the word "man," which refers to an adult male human. HTH.

socorro nude: What the whole town? Wow. Well, let me know what day you've got that planned for, and I'll be sure and stay home.

should teens be allowed to dye their hair?: Uh, sure. Why not?

whatever happened to amanda peterson: Good question. It hasn't been updated in ages!

calvin hobbes slash fanfiction: Hmm. Is it bestiality if it's a stuffed tiger?

precent of kids losing eyesight from too much video games: My guess would be zero.

grandmom poems: As long as they're not those horrible schmaltzy "What is a Grandmother?" type "poems" you get on greeting cards. Blechh.

October 2004 issue of Reader's Digest modafinil: I've always kind of suspected Reader's Digest was on happy pills.

oswald maximum security prison wallpaper: I don't think prisons usually have wallpaper, but with Martha Stewart in the slammer, who knows?

bang ragan: Aaargh! Aarrgh! Ya got me! *falls over*

futurama lemon fanfic: Of course, if it involves Zoidberg, it's probably lemon and butter sauce...

pluto nice "interesting facts about pluto": One interesting fact about Pluto is that it's really not a very nice place.

"deep space 9" buzz cola: Wasn't that Andromeda? Or was that "Sparky Cola?" I dunno, all I remember is that it was rootbeer they used to go on about on DS9.

who invented the Bookcase DVD: I did. Give me my royalties.

Pennsauken Mart leather jacket: If you bought one there, I wouldn't inquire too closely about where it originally came from.

"Trivial Pursuit motto": Mine is, "No! Anything but the sports category! Please!"

vitas naked pictures: I want to make some kind of joke here about "atmospheric vita particles," but I think that's probably too obscure even for the Blake's 7 fans in the audience.

greta model nude blog: Hey, Greta, is your blog going into nude modeling?

the war of the flowers memorise: That's kind of a long book to memorize.

Blepharitis drives me nuts!: Uh, my sympathies.

hentai Master and Commander fanfics: There's giant squid involved here somewhere, isn't there?

Bad Sims screencaps: Is it the sims or the screencaps that are bad? Because I can't imagine why anybody would be interested in the latter, but a gallery of Sims Behaving Badly could be fun.

TEEN PORRRRN: Man, "porrrrn" is fun to say.

delenn nude: Hey, now I'm getting search requests for nude Babylon 5 characters! I never did complete my collection of nude search request for Farscape characters, though. Bizarrely, it seems nobody actually wants to see Crais or Scorpius nude.

Another Goofy Time-Wasting Meme

OK, this provided a few moments of amusement, because playing around with machine translation is always fun. The rules: Take the lyrics to a well-known song. Feed them into Babelfish and translate them from English to German, German to French, then French back into English. Post the results and see how recognizable they are.

Here's what I got:

All my efforts seemed it yesterday look at now, as if they are here, to remain OH-, I believe inside yesterday until now far. I am not suddenly half to equip me used to be, gives a shade which hangs on me. OH -, came yesterday suddenly. Why I, why were to suit it you do not know that she would not say. I said false, now I a long time slightly for yesterday. The love was yesterday a such play simple to play. I require a place now to dissimulate me far. OH - that I believe inside yesterday.

OK, no points for guessing that one. But, honestly, is not "I require a place now to dissimulate me far," like, the best translation ever?

A Couple of Random Observations

Random Observation #1: It's interesting the things you discover when you go through the stuff in your closets. Apparently I have bought a new roll of wrapping paper every Christmas since I've lived here, used about a third of it, and put the rest of the roll in the back of the closet, where I then proceeded to forget its existence and repeat the cycle all over again. I shouldn't need to buy Christmas paper again for a good long time, assuming I can remember all these rolls exist this time.

Random Observation #2: Every time I install mini-blinds, I always seem to end up with more parts left over than I actually use. I have the vague feeling that this should bother me more than it does. But, hey, I figure if I barely know what a valance is, there's no reason I should need to install clips for one. Right?

I Sometimes Think They Are the Devil's Familiars

My cats are driving me crazy. Apparently they ran out of food during the night, and decided at 7 AM that they were hungry damn it, and I was bloody well going to get up and feed them. Happiness, being frighteningly intelligent given the miniscule size of her brain, has long since figured out that if she really wants me to get up, the key is to do something destructive that I absolutely cannot ignore. Usually, this involves my books, and, in the past, has occasionally included knocking books off a shelf and directly onto my sleeping head. Unfortunately, there are no books on shelves at the moment, as they've all been packed, so she went for the piles of unread books sitting on the floor. And apparently just knocking them over doesn't do it, because they have less far to fall and don't make as much noise, or something.

So I woke up to the sounds of shredding paper.

Aaargh! What's particularly disturbing is that she apparently deliberately chose a book from the middle of the pile to wreck. That ten-years out-of-date calorie-counting guide to fast food restaurants I bought for some reason a very long time ago and have been figuring I ought to just get rid of wasn't good enough, even if it was lying right there on the top. Instead she felt compelled to pull four or five books off the top and sink her claws into my nice hardback copy of Sting's Broken Music. I don't know what she has against Sting, but I now fear his words are as broken as his music, all jumbled up and held together with tape there in the middle of his life story. (Yes, that's right. She wasn't content to attack the title page, either, but opened up to the middle of the book. She's a fiend in feline form, I tell ya!)

This isn't the first time she's done something like this, either, although it hasn't happened very often, thank goodness. But there does seem to be a weird pattern to the books she picks on. On two separate occasions, in two separate parts of the house, she's seen fit to savage Stephen R. Donaldson, which, OK, I can kind of understand, because his writing sometimes makes me want to do that, too. She's done the same thing with Douglas Hofstadter, though, and I can't imagine what her problem is with him, unless maybe she's a fanatical opponent of Strong AI or something.

Anyway, so, I got up and fed the damned cats and tried to go back to sleep, only to hear the sounds of Nova bolting down catfood at a breakneck pace, followed inevitably by the sounds of Nova throwing the catfood back up because he ate it too fast. The idiot animal never learns. What really disturbs me is that it's now two hours later, and I still haven't found where he did it. I have the distinct feeling I'm in for a very nasty surprise as soon as I let my guard down.

And then, a little while ago, he tried to eat some of the needles off of an artificial Christmas tree I have sitting out in an open box, destined to be donated to a friend for her yard sale if she wants it. He ended up getting a fake pine needle stuck to the roof of his mouth, and I had to pull it out by a comically protruding bit of green.

Sheesh. Cats.

I Blame the Shelves

This moving into a new house thing is expensive, and not just for the obvious reasons. No, it's the tiny little expenses that are the most insidious. Because they send me into stores where I can buy other things, things that I did not come in for.

I just went into the damned Wal-Mart to buy shelf liner and spackle. And then I thought, hmm, it'd be really nice if I had some new music to listen to while I'm spackling and lining shelves. Next thing I know, there's three CDs in my cart. And then, somehow, I decided that what I desperately needed was a giant outdoor thermometer. With a humidity gauge. Because I know exactly where I can put it so I can look out my living room window and see what the weather's like outside without going out. And anything that keeps me from having to go outside for any reason is a good thing, I guess.

And then... Then I remembered I still needed to buy a birthday present for my nephew. Kid says he wants Star Wars toys. Man, it is totally unfair for cute little kids to ask me for geek-toys in their cute-little-kid voices. It's like a double whammy. The kid's gonna get more Star Wars toys from me than any four-year old realistically needs, apparently. I just... sort of got caught up in the excitement of toy-buying. Which is kind of ironic, really, because I'm not remotely excited about the movie at all.

Sigh. Good thing I went for a house with a low mortgage payment.

In Which I Take Time Out from Moving to Go to the Movies

So, I did go to see Sin City last night, and... wow. There are so many things about that movie that shouldn't have worked. For one thing, it plays up the noir cliches until it reaches the point where it's performing a tricky balancing act between straight storytelling and active self-parody. But, somehow, it deftly keeps its footing on that line the entire time. It's also filmed in a strange style: mostly black and white, but with strategic splashes of often very bright color. This ought to feel distracting, or pretentious, or like a blatant attempt to manipulate the viewer, but it's pulled off beautifully and the effect enhances the story no end. It's absolutely gorgeous to look at, too.

I can't really comment on how faithful it is to the original story. I think I did read the graphic novel version at some point, actually, as some of the stuff in the movie rang a faint bell, and I have a vague memory of someone lending me the book. But it was clearly long enough ago that I've completely forgotten all of the details. I will say that the movie looks and feels exactly like it was lifted from the pages of a graphic novel, animated by some magic, and projected up on the screen. This, also, is something that shouldn't work and does.

My one complaint is that it drags a little in the middle... The movie actually consists of several independent but interlocking stories, and it loses a great deal of momentum when one of them reaches its climax and the build-up to another replaces it. But that's a fairly minor complaint.

It's definitely not for everybody, though. For one thing, it's really not for the faint of heart. There's some extremely disturbing violence, including rather a lot of sexual violence (although most of the latter is discussed rather than shown), and some very, very dark humor. There's also a lot of female nudity and near-nudity, if that sort of thing bothers you, though, I have to say, it's so beautifully and artistically filmed that, even as a heterosexual woman, I was enjoying looking at it. And naked women usually bore me. (There are, sadly, no naked men, but I don't think I'd want to see most of those guys with their clothes off anyway.)

I haven't read much in the way of reviews of the movie yet, and I honestly have no idea what conventional audiences might make of it. I half-suspect most people are likely to be sitting there afterward with a stunned expression going, "What the hell was that?" But for people who enjoy that particular sort of dark, edgy comic, I can definitely recommend it. Of course, most of those people have probably already seen it, but, hey.

Moving Update (Because If I Have to Live Through It, You Have to Hear About It)

Well, after two days of concentrated effort, the number of books I still have to move is now down into the triple digits. Yay!

Actually, a fair percentage of my stuff is over at the new place now. So I'm doing pretty darned good. It's kind of freaking the cats out, though. Well, OK, they were freaked out by all the in-and-out and stuff disappearing, but then they kind of lost interest and went off to take a nap. Because, you know, they're cats.

Me, I'm now twice as sore as I was when I got up this morning, and I'm thinking it's about time to knock off the heavy lifting and do a bit of Recuperative Lying Around the (Nearly Empty) House. I might even go see Sin City at the crappy local theater tonight, we'll see. Either way, I think I've earned some downtime.

Relocation Program

Yes, I have a house! Woo-hoo!

But all my muscles are sore from hauling boxes all day yesterday. And now I have to do it again today. Sigh. So, yeah, thrilled about having the house. Not so thrilled about the actual moving process.

Oh, Give Me a Home...

So, I'm closing on my house in just over an hour. And I'm really nervous. Which is silly. This is just paperwork and handing over the money; all the real decisions have already been made.

Still, I'll be tremendously glad when it's over and I have a house. I'm starting to feel weirdly homesick for a building I've only set foot in a handful of times.

iPod Ching

OK, I've encountered this amusing "iPod Ching" meme around... And, I swear, I wasn't intending to apply it when I called up a random playlist just now, but it just works too well. So, here. Marvel at the powers of divination by song!

Song One - The problem at hand: "Talk to You" by Anthony Stewart Head
Sample lyric: And all I can do/Is wait until the next time/That I hear your sweet voice on the line
Interpretation: I'm an antisocial hermit, and I don't call people on the phone nearly often enough.

Song Two - Your feelings on same: "The Day Begins" by the Moody Blues
Sample lyric: Night time, to some a brief interlude,/To others the fear of solitude.
Interpretation: I'm a solitary night person.

Song Three - The environment in which you operate: "Intergalactic Laxative" by Star One
Sample lyric: wherever man has conquered on the quest for frontiers new/I'm glad he's always had to do the no. one and two/it makes it all so ordinary just like you and me/to know the greatest heroes they had to shit and pee!
Interpretation: I'm walking around with my head in the stars all the time, but I still have to worry about the -- ahem -- practical shit.

Song Four - Immediate action to be taken: "You Won't See Me" by the Beatles
Sample lyric: I don’t know why/You should want to hide/But I can’t get through/My hands are tied
Interpretation: I am destined become even more of a hermit, and never talk to anybody.

Song Five - Likely outcome: "Your Horoscope" by Weird Al Yankovic
Sample lyric: The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep
Interpretation: I will realize that this fortune-telling stuff is complete bunk and laugh at it.

Just Got Off the Phone With My Real Estate Agent...

Well, by this time tomorrow, I will be a homeowner.

Gulp.

Mayan! All Mayan!


The Mayas rose to their full splendor independently
of the Old World civilizations. Like them,
you're probably a bit obsessive. Don't worry,
you'll make a good engineer.

What is your ancient civilization?
brought to you by Quizilla

Alas, I fear I have very little talent for engineering.

This Having a Physical Body Stuff Is Just Annoying, Pt. 2

Stupid body kept sending me those "I'm hungry! Feed me! Feed me a lot!" signals. So I finally gave into it last night, and I ate a lot of spaghetti. I mean, a lot of spaghetti. More spaghetti, it turns out than the stupid body could handle, no matter what it said. And I ended up going to bed early with a rather unpleasant case of indigestion.

At least the going-to-bed-early thing is good, right, because it means I was actually able to get enough sleep? Sadly, no. I did a hell of a lot better yesterday, when I woke up after a wholly inadequate amount of sleep, but on my own, without an alarm. I've noticed this before, too. How well I do when I'm on the morning shift really does seem to depend less on how much actual sleep I've had and more on what point in my sleep cycle I'm in when I wake up. Even if I've had a full eight hours, if that alarm goes off when I'm deeply asleep, I wake up groggy, and it takes a long time to wear off.

I'm seriously beginning to think about buying one of these things.

The Punctuation Nazi Strikes!

The printer in the room I work in is broken. Which is an annoyance, but not an insurmountable one; there's another one right out in the hall. What annoys me more than the broken printer is the note on it. It says, "Jam's due to broken gear." After staring at it for a week, I couldn't stand it any more. I just couldn't. So I gave in to my dark impulses, and I scribbled out the apostrophe.

Suddenly, I feel much better.

Somehow, This Result Kind of Appeals to Me.

I Am TechGnosis

The God of Technology is a Trickster, that much is certain. Like all technology, you are brilliant, unpredictable, anti-social and prone to breaking down at the most inopportune moments. Just when those around you have you figured out, you change. You can be a hero when everything is working properly up inside that huge brain but let something go haywire with the code and you become dark and frightening. Like TechGnosis you're a new phenomenon in human history, and whether you are good or evil yet remains to be seen.

Which Trickster Are You?
Take the Trickster Test at www.isleofdreams.net.

This Having a Physical Body Stuff Is Just Annoying.

I should know better by now than to try to make the transition onto morning shifts by going to bed before I'm really tired. I just end up tossing and turning all damn night and eventually looking at the clock and realizing it's 6 AM and I might was well get up. I'd be much better off going to bed at 2:00 and taking four or five hours of solid sleep, instead.

In other news, after spending an entire week having no appetite whatsoever due to the Cold from Hell -- I kept realizing at 2 PM that I hadn't eaten all day when I'd notice my hands were shaking -- for the last three days I have been absolutely ravenous. I suppose that's a good sign, but so much for the hope that I'd at least get a few pounds of weight loss as some small compensation for the whole being sick thing.

And Nobody Sent Me a Card, Either.

I just realized that I missed my Blogiversary yet again. Maximum Verbosity turned three on April 5th, difficult as I find that to believe. (I mean, what the hell have I found to blather on about for three years?)

But this prompted me to do what I did last year when I realized I'd let the date go by without remark, and look back through the archives to see what fascinating things I was doing and blogging about on this date in history.

Three years ago, I was telling gaming stories. (And, y'know, I haven't done any gaming in ages. I'm kind of missing it.)

Two years ago, I was complaining about Blogger bugs.

And one year ago, I was, well, doing all this stuff.

Oh, yeah. It's a thrill-packed life I lead...

Time for This Thing Again.

Current clothes: Gray sweatpants, a black t-shirt from Sting's "Brand New Day" concert tour, white tube socks, black sneakers.

Current mood: Not too bad.

Current music: The soundtrack to Kill Bill, Vol. 2.

Current annoyance: This damned Cold from Hell continues to linger.

Current thing: I'm still obsessed with boxes. I was walking home today after going out for some food, and I found a bunch of boxes lying by the side of the road, where they'd apparently been blown by today's high winds. I have never in my life been that excited about roadside trash. Or been excited about roadside trash at all, really.

Current desktop picture: This cool Battlestar Galactica wallpaper from Sci-Fi's official website.

Current song in head: Nothing at the moment. There was something that kept running through my head earlier and driving me crazy, but I don't remember now what it was, and I'm trying not to, because if I think about it, it'll come back.

Current book: Casualties of War by Steve Emmerson. It's a Doctor Who book. Hey, I gotta get my Who fix somehow. I've only read a couple of chapters so far, but it seems to be a lot better than the last few I've read.

Current video in player: Nothing since the last Battlestar Galactica episode. And, man, I really missed having a new ep. yesterday.

Current DVD in player: Disc 2 of Season 1 of Forever Knight.

Current refreshment: Just finished some tea.

Current worry: Oh, god, but I've got a lot of stuff to do, still, and I'm closing on the house in a week...

Current thought: I need more tea.

You Are Here

The currently-in-beta Google maps feature is very cool, particularly the option to look at satellite images. Here's my town of Socorro, NM, from above, in case you've ever wanted to see where I live.

And, oh, wow, here's the house I lived in in high school. Scary!

Oh, Look, More Books to Pack.

Just got back from a library book sale, where I was a very good girl and stayed within my monthly book-buying quota. Which resolution was, I think very much helped by the fact that I overslept and got there after everything had been pretty well picked over. As an added bonus, this also meant that by the time I left, they'd put everything on sale, and I walked out with six books for a whopping total of $1.75. You can't beat that with a stick!

The haul this time: A Sudden Wild Magic by Diana Wynne Jones. Thinner and The Shining by Stephen King. (Thus holding up the tradition of buying at least one King book per library sale. No Koontz this time, though. Maybe I'm finally kicking the Koontz habit.) The Alienist by Caleb Carr (of which the guy who checked me out expressed approval). Blue Light by Walter Mosley. And Godbody by Theodore Sturgeon.

A Little Religious Humor

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Sister Gatling Gun of Desirable Mindfulness.

Get yours.

Definitely read the article. It's hysterical, and makes me want to go and sign up immediately, even if I'm not actually a Unitarian. "We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other!"

Search Request Weekly

I know we didn't have this last week, what with me being sick and all, so here's an extra-big batch to make up for it:

red nose pit wallpaper: I'll tell ya, my nose seems to be full of red pits at the moment, judging by how much bloody snot I've been blowing out of it in these latter stages of the Cold That Would Not Die. But I really don't think you want to use that as wallpaper.

flying dalek spoiler: I've heard rumors about flying Daleks, but nothing concrete enough to qualify as a spoiler.

christopher eccleston BARE CHESTED: Ooh, can he keep the leather jacket over the bare chest? 'Cause I think that would be a good look. Ahem.

Knife AND: And what? And fork? Don't keep me in suspense, here!

unscratchable CDs: Ah, that would truly be a miracle of modern science.

what does its not what you have that counts its what you don't have mean from the West: Beats the hell out of me. Maybe I don't live far enough west.

"definition of fun" Crichton: I believe it involved beer, pizza, fast cars, and sex. No, wait, that was his list of "things worth living for." Eh, close enough.

feline psychology: If you figure it out, let me know. Those critters' brains mystify me.

how many a series of unfortunate events has how many books so far? is it is 2005.: No, I'm pretty sure there aren't 2005 of them. More like 11.

"not alan rickman" lyrics: Google tells me there is actually a song by this name. I had no idea not being Alan Rickman was an idea worthy of being captured in song.

transformers shockwave breakdance: Breakdancing Transformers? Wow, talk about your flashbacks to the 80s...

SEX XXXXXL ANIMAL: So, you want elephants having sex?

"doctor adventures" porno: Ah, the other series of "New Adventures"...

"personal business matter": Hey, I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but I finally got those yahoos who kept leaving that message on my answering machine to stop! Never did find out what the "personal business" was, though.

"Doctor Who" "Geek code": As I recall, the Geek code includes Star Trek, but not Doctor Who. This seems like a serious oversight.

funny quotes about introverts: I'd offer you some, but I'm too shy.

ulysses gatsby: Is that what you get when you mash-up a James Joyce novel with an F. Scott Fitzgerald novel?

similarities in flowers for algernon and charly: Gosh, there were an awful lot of similarities, weren't there? Might it have something to do with the fact that they were two versions of the same story?

blogspot stark easter: Well, Stark was a religious figure who was executed and came back from the dead...

Atheist in Chiana: Chiana does not discriminate with her sexual partners based on religion.

granny porno samples: What, buying granny porn is like buying wallpaper? You get to look at samples first?

"my allergies are starting to" sneeze: I hear ya, buddy. *sneezes in sympathy*

scorpius hawaiian shirt sale: I actually have seen that shirt for sale somewhere, though they wanted a lot of money for it, not to mention postage from Australia.

"andrew farewell": Yes, farewell, Andrew. Perhaps we will see you on another Buffy spinoff someday.

blog, blogger, my boobs pics: I do hereby swear to you, my reading public, that you will never, ever see pictures of my boobs on this blog. And not just because I don't have image hosting set up, either.

wizard of oz oo-ee-oo: Damn, now I'm gonna have that stupid chant in my head all day.

Where did the phrase "happy camper" come from: Geez, people keep asking this blog all these difficult word origin questions. I have no idea, though now I'm curious. Fortunately, when I say things like that, usually people then go and look it up for me.

How many hours of sleep do astronauts usually get each night?: Well, "night"'s kind of a problematical concept in space...

Palpatine, acumen: I suppose Palpatine has some acumen. Which is more than I can say for George Lucas these days.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA nude pics: Hey, there's a show I've never got nudie pics requests for before!

journal on contingency management and stealing: When disaster strikes, loot! What more does one need to know?

"mmm good" wav: Why do I have a sudden craving for Campbell's Soup?

illustrated Buffy sex game: I've gotten a bunch of requests for this before, but never any indication that there was an illustrated version.

free pics of maximum insertion: I'm not gonna ask "insertion of what?" I'm just not.

bart simpson and prose naked astronaut: Um... Wow, I don't even have a response to that one.

orican the religion: It's Luxan. HTH.

grayza tattoo: My first, horrible, though was that someone wanted a tattoo of Grayza. Then I realized they were just interested in Grayza's tattoos, and breathed a sigh of relief.

DEFECTIVE GLASS RUNNING WAVEY: I'd have that replaced if I were you.

buffy the vampire slayer game season 7 scenario: Based on what I remember of season 7, I imagine that'd involve the players getting their asses kicked repeatedly.

american viewers opinion of blackadder: Well, this American viewer loves it!

farscape pics sexy GRAYZA: But she's not sexy. She's... skanky.

no charge or cost porno: You do know that old saying about getting what you pay for, right?

"my closet" toddlers room organizer: Organizing a toddler's room? Oh, yeah, that'll last.

very ticklish mom: I don't think my mom's more than ordinarily ticklish, but I can't say I've ever tested that.

tyr anasazi shades: *pictures Tyr in shades, zones out for a while*

boob ascii art: Ah, the artistic heights of human culture.

naked TARDIS sci fi fakes: Naked? You mean... without the Chameleon Circuit?

Christopher Moore Fluke Farscape: I've been trying to think what Christopher Moore's Fluke and Farscape have in common, and the only think I can think of that ties them together involves the word "Leviathan."

wild wacky hairstyles: Sorry, mine's boring, short, and brown.

"doctor who jokes": OK, here's my favorite, from one of the novels. "Q: What goes bang thud, bang thud, bang thud, bang thud, bang thud, bang thud, bang thud, bang thud, bang thud, bang thud, bang thud, bang thud, bang thud? A: A Time Lord committing suicide." That one had me laughing so hard that tears came to my eyes.

how do you make Native banik bread: First, you grind up your Baniks...

hull breach dilbert: That's what they get for making the Pointy-Haired manager the Captain.

transterrestrial wibblings: No, that's Transterrestrial Musings. What you have here are "random wibblings."

shower scene seaquest: Did it involve the dolphin?

spock and kirk getting very friendly sound wav: But Spock and Kirk were always friendly... Oh.

very old grannys: Are much more common than very young grannys.

sex with partners in nude pictures: As opposed to solo sex in nude pictures, which I guess is a slightly different kink.

hacking cough.wav: Given the way this stupid cold seems to be moving down into my chest, I may be able to record this for you soon.

Farscape Scratch N' Sniff screencaps: OK, I know this is a simple request for screencaps from the episode, but somehow I'm imagining Farscape images you can scratch to release interesting alien smells, and it's making me giggle.

Books: They Aren't Just for Packing

I've seen this around a few places now, and you know I can never resist a book meme. So:

In Farenheit 451, volunteers memorise entire books, to preserve the text from burning: what text would you learn and save?

I remember pondering this when I first read that book, and deciding on The Hobbit. That still seems like a pretty good choice to me.

Have you ever had a crush on a character in a book?

Erm... R. Daneel Olivaw, from Asimov's books. Yes, I have robot lust. It is my secret shame.

The last book you bought is:

I just ordered The Importance of Being Earnest. I needed something that cost about a dollar to bump my Amazon order up enough to qualify for the free shipping, and I've been meaning to read more Wilde.

The last book you finished is:

Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass. And, man, reading about real-life cruelty and oppression has the capacity to depress me in ways that fiction never can.

What are you currently reading:

The War of the Flowers by Tad Williams. A good read, if perhaps a little overlong.

Five desert island books:

God, I always hate this question. I can settle on a one-book collection of Lord of the Rings and the biggest single-volume encyclopedia I can find, but after that it gets impossible to pick.

Who's There!

Just heard from my Canadian contacts. Taping of Doctor Who is happening! And thus I breathe a great sigh of relief, followed by a little squeal of fangirlish excitement. It also happens that the DVDs of the show are going to be released in R2 format as early as June, which gives me another chance to watch the episodes, if necessary, since I do have a region-free player. But if I can just see them once, I'll be happy enough to wait for the extras-laden version, especially if there's a chance of it coming out in R1.

An Unnatural Lust for Cardboard


Moving does strange things to you. Like, I seem to be developing a disturbing fixation on boxes. I've taken to stopping random strangers: "Hey, you have a box! Is it empty? Are you gonna throw it away? Can I have it?" I scored a carload off a co-worker of mine, left over from the last time she moved, and a bunch more today from the produce guys at the local supermarket, but it's just not enough. I actually turned my car around earlier today because I thought I saw some empty boxes sitting out behind a liquor store. (They weren't. They had bottles in them, probably for recycling. Damn it.)

So, yeah, I've been packing. And packing. And packing. I've actually got most of the books boxed up now, after several weeks of intermittent effort. I've just got one more shelf of non-fiction, and the reference books. Well, and the To-Read Pile, which is about another 400 or 500 books, but I'm trying not to think about that. Yep, You Know You Have Too Many Books When you've got 500 left to pack and you're thinking "Yippee! I'm almost done!" Aargh. Remind me again why I wanted to move?

It's Time for Some More Random Links!

Because, hey, it's easier than actual content:

The Annotated Pratchett: Interesting information for Discworld fans.

Clocky: The alarm clock that runs away from you!

How to Destroy the Earth: Come on, don't tell me you've never thought about it.

Jack Chick tract gets the MST3K treatment: Especially funny for the gamers in the audience.

I'm Back. Sort of.

Still not feeling anything like 100%, but I've decided that I'm Feeling Better, damn it, whatever my body thinks, and I refuse to behave otherwise. So, I'm up and around and at work. Yippee.

In other news, I just got a call from my insurance agent. The company she set up my homeowner's insurance with just took a look at the house, and apparently they aren't happy, because it needs to be painted. Well, I knew it needed to be painted, but it didn't exactly seem urgent, and I figured it was something I could have done in maybe a year or two, when I happened to have the money. She didn't ask me whether the house needed to be painted, just whether the plumbing and electrical systems were in OK shape (which they are). I'm really hoping this isn't going to cause me problems, because a) I've already paid these people, and b) the other insurance company she found for me that would insure me despite the lack of central heating wanted, like, $200 a year more, which is just ridiculous. And I'm starting to run low on cash, damn it, once I've set aside the estimated amount I'll need at closing.

*mutter, grumble*

Hmm. My mother says she likes to paint. I wonder if she's up to painting the whole house, instead of just the kitchen...

Waaaaah!

Oh, god, this is the worst cold I've ever had in my life, and it just keeps getting worse. I feel as if my head is about to explode from the sinus pressure. Somebody shoot me and put me out of my misery, please.

Damn it, I do not have time to be sick.

Foolin' Around

A couple of April Fool's Day links: First, there's The Top 10 Worst April Fool's Day Hoaxes Ever, some of which are pretty painful to read. Then, there's a brilliantly funny editorial from this month's Scientific American.