And Now, the Answers You've All Been Waiting For!

OK, I don't think anybody else seems particularly interested in the Name That Tune game, so here, at last are the answers. Which I'm sure you were all absolutely dying with curiosity to know.

1. "Some say he was a prisoner who never was set free"

"Bitter Green" by Gordon Lightfoot. Because, as previously mentioned, I seem to have somehow ended up with a metric shitload of Lightfoot tunes.

2. "This doesn't have to be the big get even"

That would be Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty with "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around." See? Not all that obscure.

3. "Now he's drinking down his Christmas blood-wine in the curse-ed halls of Stovokor"

Yes, as several people have pointed out, it is quite obviously a "Klingon Christmas carol." What it is, specifically, is part of Luke Ski's "Fanboy Christmas," an utterly charming medley of geeked-up holiday tunes. That particular segment is, of course, "Gowron Got Run Over By a Reindeer," which I, hopeless nerd that I am, find absolutely hysterical.

4. "Roll us both down a mountain and I'm sure the fat man would win"

That would be Jethro Tull's catchy but politically incorrect "Fat Man."

5. "Ah but a man never got a woman back, not by begging on his knees"

This is Leonard Cohen's "I'm Your Man," although the version I have is actually a cover by Elton John. I've got an entire disc full of Cohen covers, most of which are far inferior to the originals. Elton's version would be OK, if he weren't making a truly unfortunate attempt to mimic Cohen's gravelly voice.

6. "Forget about the worries on your mind"

"Rhythm of the Night" by Valeria, from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack.

7. "I don't believe in destiny or the guiding hand of fate"

That's "Ghost of a Chance," once of my favorite Rush tunes. It's a secular humanist love song! How many of those have you heard?

8. "And if the dead man won't depart, drive a stake into his heart"

This is a song called "Journeyman's Grace" by Fairport Convention, and definitely falls under the category, of "songs I didn't even recognize as stuff I own." Which tells me that I need to listen to that Fairport Convention disc more often. Or, you know, at all.

9. "Without evil there could be no good so it must be good to be evil sometimes"

That's Satan, the Prince of Darkness himself, singing "Up There" from the South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut soundtrack.

10. "It will surely light up--darkened worlds"

"Stoned Love" by the Supremes.

11. "Heat the pins and stab them in"

"Bulletproof... I Wish I Was" by Radiohead.

12. "Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed"

"In My Place" by Coldplay. I like Coldplay.

13. "It was 1910 and they never had a friend"

"Cherokee Bend" by Gordon Lightfoot. Again. Did I mention I had an inexplicably large amount of Lightfoot?

14. "Not that we're complaining, since the fresh fruit all comes free"

This would be "Carmen Miranda's Ghost" by Leslie Fish. It's about the ghost of Carmen Miranda haunting a space station. I couldn't make this stuff up.

15. "Slipping in and sliding out of conscious feeling"

"Comatose" by Depeche Mode. Which gets filed under "why the hell did I buy this disc, again?"

16. "This machine will will not communicate these thoughts"

"Street Spirit (Fade Out)" by Radiohead. I'm not actually a big Radiohead fan. I've only got one of their discs, and I think I've played it all of twice. But sheer random chance picked up two songs off of it.

17. "You need elephant balls"

This is "Rhino Skin" by Tom Petty. And I apologize for choosing that line.

18. "With every wish there comes a curse"

That's Bruce Springsteen's "With Every Wish." Ha! Now don't you feel stupid! Not one of my favorite Springsteen tunes, for the record.

19. "If you believe in the power of magic, I can change your mind"

"Don't Answer Me" by the Alan Parson Project. Sort of an anti-love song.

20. "Heap big woman you gonna make a big man out of me"

This is Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls," of course. Classic!