Betty's Handy Travel Guide to Universes That Are Out to Get You

I've been thinking a bit about some of my favorite fictional -- well, OK, TV -- universes and the way things work in them... It's often been said, particularly of science fiction stories, that the setting itself acts as a character, and I think there's definitely something in that. Different universes can have very different "characterizations," and that can make a big difference in the tone of the show. Hell, in large part it is the tone of the show.

And one of the things I love about Blake's 7 and Farscape -- you knew I was going to be talking about those, right? -- is that the universe is not necessarily a nice "person." It feels absolutely no obligation to cut the good guys a break just because they're the good guys. In both shows, the protagonists often do fail, sometimes very spectacularly, despite the best of intentions. To my mind, that's much more interesting than knowing that the hero is always going to win through at the end of the day. The suspense is greater, the stakes are higher, and it's much more realistic. Plus, you get a lot more character depth when you actually get to see the characters reacting to failure once in a while.

But the two shows are nevertheless very different in tone, and the way the universe tends to operate isn't quite the same. Here's an analogy I thought up in a moment of sleep-deprivation:

If the characters are ants, the B7 universe is like a man -- no, an endless parade of men -- in heavy boots marching down the sidewalk. It doesn't care whether you're underfoot or not. Being quick and clever may allow you to escape being crushed for a while, but it's bound to happen sooner or later, anyway. Meanwhile, all the ants are ruthlessly attempting to make sure that somebody else is going to be under the boot this time rather than them. But the main point is that, while the universe is completely unforgiving of wrong moves, it doesn't deliberately set out to screw with your mind. The characters do a good enough job of doing that to each other.

The Farscape universe, on the other hand, is like a kid playing with ants. And it's equally interested in how the ants react when you suddenly deposit them on top of a huge pile of food as it is in how they react when you pull their legs off. It likes to think up weird, random shit to throw at them, preferably at the times when it will provoke the most interesting stirred-up-anthill reactions. It's thus much more likely to cut a character an improbable break than the B7 universe, but it's also much more deliberately and inventively cruel.

Anyway, all this musing came about because I was amusing myself by putting together a couple of not-terribly-original but hopefully nevertheless diverting lists of how things actually work on each show. If you ever fall through a wormhole or a looking glass and find yourself in one of these places, these are definitely going to be good things to keep in mind:


The Laws of Blake's 7

If you have the slightest reason to suspect the situation might be a trap, it's a trap.

Even if you don't have the slightest reason to suspect that the situation might be a trap, it's probably still a trap.

Trusting the wrong people leads to disaster.

Not trusting the right people leads to disaster.

Trusting the evidence of your senses often isn't a good idea, either.

Keen intelligence and good self-preservation instincts won't get you nearly as far as charisma, stubbornness, and sheer dumb luck.

Being able to laugh at your own misfortunes only serves to creep your shipmates out.

The more effort and sacrifice you put into achieving a goal, the more likely it is to turn out to be completely illusory.

Superweapons are seldom worth the trouble it takes to obtain them.

Even god-like aliens have psychological issues.

No matter how dire the situation, there is always time for sarcasm.

The Laws of Farscape

When you suddenly realize that the person you thought was the good guy is actually the bad guy (or vice versa), you're probably wrong. And then when you change your mind about it, you're probably wrong again.

The enemy of my enemy is still my enemy, but it does tend to make things confusing.

The greater the moment of happiness, the more horribly the universe is about to punish you.

The likelihood of an event happening is inversely proportional to the number of people who have earnestly promised that it's going to happen.

Even if you do see the body, it doesn't necessarily mean the person is dead.

The more elaborate and well-thought-out the plan, the less chance there is that it will actually work.

However, plans that everyone immediately agrees to are absolutely guaranteed not to work.

Anyone contracted to perform a medical or mechanical service will invariably screw you over. And not just by overcharging on the bill, either.

Speaking in such a way that nobody understands what the hell you're talking about is a great way to confuse your enemies. It's also a great way to confuse your friends.

Technobabble never gets you anywhere.

The universe will always arrange for the wrong person to be in the wrong place at exactly the wrong time, because things are much more interesting that way.