Hey, The Advice You Get From your iPod Is Probably At Least As Good As What You Get From Your Friends.

Saw this amusing meme somewhere... It was labeled "iPod Eightball" or "iTunes Eightball," but, iconoclast that I am, I have a Rio Karma instead, so I don't benefit from the alliteration.

Anyway, you hit "shuffle" and ask the music-generating device of your choice to answer the following questions:

What do you think of me, iPod Karma?

"Factory Girl" (The Chieftans & Sinead O'Connor)

Well, that seems to be an answer, but damned if I know what it means.

Will I have a happy life?

"Rappin' Ronnie Reagan" (The Simpsons)

Uh... Is that a yes or a no?

What do my friends really think of me?

Long Live Rock (The Who)

They think I should live long! Like rock!

Do people secretly lust after me?

"Bullet the Blue Sky" (U2)

I'm not sure, but I think that's a no.

How can I make myself happy?

"Slave Girl" (The Goo Goo Dolls)

Is it telling me to get one, or be one? Either way, I am, uh, dubious.

What should I do with my life?

"Ojibway Square Dance" (Georgia Wettlin-Larsen)

I should learn square dancing! Of course!

Why must life be so full of pain?

"Speak to Me"/"Breathe" (Pink Floyd)

Yes, Pink Floyd understands the pain that is life.

How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?

"Inveraray Castle/Calum Beag/Lucy Cassidy" (Battlefield Band)

I should play the bagpipes? Kinky!

Will I ever have children?

"Cabin Down Below" (Tom Petty)

I'll have kids after a wild weekend in a cabin the woods with Tom Petty, apparently. Which doesn't sound like a bad time, all things considered, but why have I forgotten the protection?

Will I die happy?

"Tuesday Afternoon" (The Moody Blues)

Apparently yes, I will. On a Tuesday afternoon.

Can you give me some advice?

"Polka Power!" (Weird Al Yankovic)

Well, you can't get better advice than that.

What do you think happiness is?

"Complainte de la Butte" (Rufus Wainwright)

Damn it! The secret to happiness is in French! It just bloody well figures.

What's my favorite fetish?

"The Star Spangled Banner" (sung by Bleeding Gums Murphy)

Betcha had no idea I was that patriotic, did you?