Sunday, July 17, 2005

Eight Facts and a Solution

Fact #1: My swamp cooler is a model which excretes a steady trickle of water through a hose which hangs down the side of my house. I was advised by the former owners of the house to move the hose around and use it to water the plants.

Fact #2: The hose can only be moved to reach a few rosebushes at the front of the house. Also, while it can be draped into convenient positions over a trellis, it is kinky and stiff and is easily dislodged.

Fact #3: When dislodged, it hangs straight down and pours water directly onto the foundation of my house. Water around the foundation of my house causes said foundation to sink, which is Not a Good Thing.

Fact #4: The hose pumps out way more water than the few plants it can reach actually need anyway. Especially if I'm leaving it in the same position for many hours at a time.

Fact #5: We are currently experiencing highs in the triple digits (Fahrenheit, of course). The swamp cooler must therefore be run pretty much continuously during the day, including when I am at work or asleep.

Fact #6: Installing a longer hose or somehow adjusting the cooler to use less water would involve crawling around on the roof in triple-digit heat, as well as, you know, doing actual work.

Fact #7: A large trashcan placed directly under the hose seems like a good solution, but has the following problems: It fills up and must be emptied every couple of hours lest it overflow. It may blow over in the wind. When full, it is far too heavy to move. And, oh, yes, discovering a dead bird in a trashcan full of water is not a particularly fun way to start your day.

Fact #8. I live in the freakin' desert, where wasting water is kind of evil.

The solution? Swamp cooler hose + duct tape + garden hose = dry foundation + happy plants + waste water going to good use = happy home-owner.

Ah, duct tape. Is there anything it can't do?

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