I'm an Insane Question Addict! Go Ahead, Ask Me Anything!

The thing is, I can't even blame this one on Deborah. I stole it from Bouillabaisse for the Soul, who apparently stole it (indirectly) from Virtual Chicago, the author of which, I note with interest, also apparently has weird dreams involving teeth. Ah, the synchronicity of the Net.

1. Are you an innie or an outie?: Innie.
2. Have you ever worn bell-bottoms?: No.
3. Have you ever written a song?: Um, I remember writing bad poetry as a kid (I mean, come on, who didn't?). And I suppose it's decidedly possible that, in my twisted little adolescent brain, I actually categorized some of it as song lyrics rather than as poetry. But, mercifully, I've forgotten.
4. Can you make change for a dollar right now?: Hold on, let me check... Yes.
5. Have you ever been in the opposite sex's bathroom?: Yes
6. Have you ever smelled your own feet?: Unfortunately, yes.
7. Do you like ketchup on or beside your french fries? Neither. I'm not big on ketchup, and prefer my fries without it. Thanks anyway.
8. Can you touch your toungue to your nose?: Not quite.
9. Have you ever been a boy/girl scout?: Yeah. Briefly.
10. Have you ever broken a mirror?: Yup.
11. Have you ever put your toungue on a frozen pole?: No. I have been guilty of many incredibly stupid things, but I've never been quite that dumb. Yet.
12. What is your biggest pet peeve?: People who park their car in front of the ATM at my bank so they don't have to walk ten feet from the actual parking space, thus completely blocking the ability of those of us who have parked in the actual parking spaces to get out of the bank parking lot. Stoning is too good for these people.
13. Do you slurp your drink after its gone?: Sometimes.
14. Have you ever blown bubbles in your milk?: Not since I was a little kid. Then again, I don't think I've drunk milk since I was a little kid. As far as I'm concerned, milk is something you put in coffee.
15. Would you rather eat a Big Mac or a Whopper? Um, probably a Whopper, because BK has this whole "have it your way" thing, so I wouldn't feel like I was making some sort of imposition on their little fast-food lives by asking them to leave off the Special Sauce. I can't stand that stuff.
16. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?: No.
17. When you are at the grocery store, do you ask for paper or plastic?: No.
18. True or False: You would rather eat steak than pizza: Depends on what I'm in the mood for. Right now, I'd probably go for the pizza.
19. Did you have a baby blanket? If so, what did you call it?: Erm, yes, apparently I did. I'm told that it was originally a quilt or something, but that I wore it down until eventually nothing was left but the lining, and then I carried that around with me. I called it "Blankie." I actually do remember it, vaguely, but only the lining part.
20. Have you ever tried to cut your own hair?: Um, sort of. But with the very first snip, I knew I had made a horrible, hideous mistake.
21. Have you ever sleepwalked?: Not as far as I know.
22. Have you ever had a birthday party at McDonalds?: No.
23. Can you flip your eye-lids up?: Ewww!
24. Are you double jointed?: I'm barely single-jointed.
25. If you could be any age, what would you be?: I really wanted to stop againg at 25, but it just didn't happen. Damn it.
26. Have you ever gotten gum stuck in your hair?: No. Now, the bottom of my shoes is a different story.
27. Have you ever thrown-up after a roller coaster ride?: Not that I can remember. I'm not very big on roller coasters, though.
28. What is your dream car?: Cars don't feature very heavily in my dreams. One that never breaks down, I suppose.
30. Would you go swimming in shallow waters where, one year earlier, a shark had attacked a child?: Possibly.
31. How many cavities do you have?: One more than I have fillings, I think. Time to make another appointment with the dentist.
32. Have you ever eaten a dog biscuit?: No. Ick.
33. If you were in a car sinking in a lake, which would you do first: unbuckle your seat belt or open your window?: Unbuckle, probably. Is that right? Maybe I should consult my Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook.
34. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?: Yes, after I rolled my truck.
35. Can you pick something up with your toes?: Oh, yes. My toes are nearly prehensile.
36. How many remote controls do you have in your house?: Three. Oh, no, wait. Four. Forgot the DVD player for a second there.
37. Have you ever fallen asleep in school?: No, but I came damned close more times than I can count.
38. How many times have you flown in an airplane in the last year?: Actually, I think my last plane trip was just over a year ago, so zero. Wow, time flies... (Uh, no pun intended.)
39. How many foreign countries have you visited?: Three. Ireland, Canada, and -- almost too briefly to count -- Mexico.
40. If you were out of shape, would you compete in a triathlon if you were somehow guaranteed to win a big, gaudy medal?: Why on Earth would I want a big, gaudy medal? I've got enough junk cluttering up my house as it is.
41. Would you rather be rich and unhappy, or poor and happy?: Well, poor and happy. But I bet it would be a lot easier to be happy if I was rich.
42. If you fell into quicksand, would you try to swim or try to float? Float. Swimming in quicksand is counterproductive.
44. Do you ask for directions when you are lost?: Yeah, if I have to. Usually I try to have a map with me.
45. Have you ever had a Mexican jumping bean?: No.
46. Are you more like Cinderella or Alice in Wonderland?: Oh, definitely Alice.
47. Would you rather have an ant farm with no ants or a box of crayons with broken points? The latter. I own a crayon sharpener.
48. Do you prefer light or dark bread?: Depends. For sandwiches or toast, I like white bread. But to just eat with butter, rye bread is extremely yummy. (Oh, damn, now I'm getting a craving...)
49. Do you prefer scrambled or fried eggs?: Scrambled.
50. Have you ever been in a car that ran out of gas?: Yes. But not, I hasten to add, while I was driving.
51. Do you talk in your sleep?: Not as far as I know.
52. Would you rather shovel snow or mow the lawn?: Snow, I guess.
53. Would you rather be bitten by a poisonous snake or constricted by a python?: Definitely the poisonous snake. Anti-venom can save you from poison, but once you've been squeezed hard enough, ain't nothin' gonna help you recover.
54. Have you ever played in the rain?: Of course!
55. Which do you think is more dangerous: an angry bear or a hungry white shark?: To me, personally? Bear. Humans aren't a shark's favorite choice of prey, so if I'm lucky it'll go find something else to eat. But presumably that angry bear is angry about something, and is probably just hankering to take it out on me.
56. Would you climb a very high tree to save a kitten?: No, I'd get a ladder.
57. Can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?: I've been told a million times, but I can never, ever remember the difference.
58. Do you drink pepsi or coke?: I prefer Pepsi if offered the choice, but I'm not really that particular. I'll take my cola any way I can get it.
59. What's your favorite number?: 13. Followed by 1,771,561.
60. If you were a car, would you be an SUV or a sports car?: I'd probably be a VW Beetle. One of those new ones. They're kinda cool.
61. Have you ever accidentally taken something from a hotel?: No, but I've sure left enough stuff in them. I will now probably never get to finish reading Pohl's Age of the Pussyfoot, because I accidentally left it in a motel in Carlsbad.
62. Would you blow your nose at the dinner table?: Yeah. My mother tried to teach me table manners, but it just didn't take.
63. Have you ever slipped in the bathtub?: Oh, yeah.
64. Do you use regular or deodorant soap?: I use Ivory. It floats! Though I have no idea why that's supposed to be a selling point. It just means there's less actual soap per unit volume.
65. Have you ever locked yourself out of the house?: Yeah. And I made the interesting discovery that the house I was living in at the time was pretty much impossible for a person with no lock-picking skills to break into if they weren't willing to do any actual damage to the place. Fortunately, I had housemates. Who did come home eventually.
66. Would you rather make your living as a singing cowboy or as one of the Simpsons voices?: Simpsons voice. Even if I could sing (which I can't), or pass myself off as a cowboy (not likely), the Simpsons are still way cooler.
67. If you could invite any movie star to your home for dinner, who would it be?: I don't know any movie stars well enough to invite them for dinner.
68. Have you ever made a semi truck honk?: When I was a kid, yeah. Oh, wait, unless you count the time I pulled out in front of one on the highway while taking my driver's test...
69. Which would you rather live with: a huge nose or crossed eyes?: Huge nose. It worked for Cyrano de Bergerac.
70. Would you hang out with someone your best friend didn't like?: Sure. But probably not when the best friend was around.
71. Would you hang out with someone your best friend liked, but you didn't like?: Yeah.
72. Have you ever returned a gift?: No.
73. Would you give someone else a gift that had been given to you?: Well, I might give someone something that'd been given to me, yeah, but I probably wouldn't wrap it up in paper and present it as a Christmas gift or something.
74. If you could attend an Olympic Event, what would it be?: Is bowling considered an Olympic sport these days? That's the only sport I'll voluntarily watch, really, because it's the only one I understand the rules to.
75. How many pairs of shoes do you own?: I don't really know. When I buy new shoes, I tend to hang on to the old, worn-out ones indefinitely but never actually wear them. So there's this huge shoe-pile in my closet.
76. If your grandmother gave you a gift that you already have, would you tell her?: Maybe. If she asked, definitely.
77. Do you sing in the car?: Um, yeah. A lot. But only when I'm by myself, because it would simply be cruel to subject the universe at large to my singing.
78. Would you rather jump into a dumpster or into a vat of honey?: Honey.
79. What is your favorite breed of dog?: I have a certain fondness for beagles, even if they do howl like crazy when you leave them alone.
80. Would you donate money to feed starving animals in the winter?: Sure. If you caught me in the right mood when asking for the donation, anyway.
81. If you were a bicycle, would you be a stingray or a mountain bike?: Mountain bike.
82. What is your least favorite fruit?: I don't actually think there are any fruits I don't like.
83. What kind of fruit have you never had?: Um. I'm sure there are some, but I'm drawing a blank.
84. If you won a $5,000 shopping spree to any store, which store would you pick?: Amazon.com.
85. What brand sports apparel do you wear the most? Sports apparel? Well, I wear sweat pants, if that's what you mean. The cheap ones. Jerzees, I think the brand is. Unless there's another brand that's cheaper.
86. How many letters will/did I earn in my high school career?: One, for the varsity bowling team. I never sewed it onto anything, though.
87. Among your friends, who could you arm wrestle and beat?: I don't know. I've never tried.
88. If you had to choose, what branch of the military would you be in?: Probably the Coast Guard. It just seems less... scary, somehow.
89. Would you ever parachute out of a plane?: Actually, I think it kinda sounds like fun.
90. What do you think is your best feature?: I have been told I have nice eyes, but behind the glasses you can't really tell. Which pretty well figures.
91. If I were to win a grammy, what kind of music would it be for?: I don't know. What kind of music do you play?
92. What is your favorite season?: Fall.
93. How many members do you have in your immediate family?: Depends on your definition, I guess. Two parents, one sister, two step-parents.
94. Which of the five senses is most important to you?: Vision. I kind of need that to read with.
95. Would you be a more successful painter or singer?: You know, the only thing I'm worse at than singing is drawing/painting.
96. Have you ever ridden a tortoise?: No. But I've ridden an elephant, once.
97. How many years will/did you end up going to college?: Five.
98. Have you ever had surgery?: No.
99. Would you rather be a professional figure skater or professional football player?: Um, figure skater, I guess. With enough practice, I might actually be able to learn how to do that well enough to keep from falling on my butt. And it's got to beat football. Anything's got to beat football.
100. What do you like to collect?: Books.

And that's the last question-and-answer thing I'm gonna do for the next couple of days. Really.