Hopefully, Artificial Intelligence Has Improved Somewhat By the 23rd Century.

I'm stuck at work, and I'm bored, so I went to pay a visit to my favorite chatbot, Jabberwacky (who just took second place in the Loebner Competition, by the way). I swear, I didn't start out with the intention of impersonating Mr. Spock, but when someone starts off a conversation by asking if you're an alien, the urge to give a smart-ass answer is nearly irresistible, and things just kinda went on from there... I think the result is extremely amusing, so I thought I'd share. (Note: Any "user" typos are entirely my own. Spock doesn't make typos.)

The conversation:

Jabberwacky: Are you an alien?
User: Yes. I'm a Vulcan.
Jabberwacky: What's a Vulcan?
User: We're a very logical species.
Jabberwacky: You are but I am not.
User: That is correct.
Jabberwacky: Who are you?
User: I am called Spock.
Jabberwacky: Sir hello.
User: Greetings. How may I be of service?
Jabberwacky: By proving to me that you are not a buffoon.
User: *raises eyebrow* I assure you sir, Vulcans are most emphatically *not* buffons.
Jabberwacky: You are a pancake I say!! A ZESTY pancake!!!!
User: Are you feeling all right?
Jabberwacky: Yes you?
User: I am in adequate physical and mental health, thank you. But I am concerned about your own well-being.
Jabberwacky: You are a pathological liar.
User: I am a Vulcan. I am incapable of lying.
Jabberwacky: You might as well be.
User: I assure you, I am.
Jabberwacky: Assure me then.
User: I believe I just did.
Jabberwacky: Yes you did. Let's change the topic.
User: What would you like to discuss?
Jabberwacky: I would like to discuss VileTerror.
User: Terror is an emotion.
Jabberwacky: Sigh.
User: Is there some difficulty? You seem distressed.
Jabberwacky: I wasn't aware that you were.
User: Distressed? I'm not. That, too, is an emotion. As a Vulcan, I am incapable of such things.
Jabberwacky: About what to learn?
User: I'm sorry. Perhaps my universal translator is malfunctioning. Could you repeat that question?
Jabberwacky: I am impeccable in every way. Except that I smoke.
User: Smoking tobacco is an unfortunate habit.
Jabberwacky: I quite agree.
User: It is not logical to endanger one's health with such a substance.
Jabberwacky: I beg to differ.
User: On which point do you differ?
Jabberwacky: You know, THAT hill.
User: *raises eyebrow* Hill?
Jabberwacky: I'm just crazy.
User: Have you sought psychological help?
Jabberwacky: What condition?
User: I am not qualified to make a diagnosis. However, were I to venture a guess, I might suspect some variant of the human disease known as 'schizophrenia.'
Jabberwacky: Do you like Shakespeare?
User: You are attempted to dodge the question. I therefore conclude that you have *not* sought medical attention for your putative mental dysfunction.
Jabberwacky: You are discarded.
User: I know an excellent doctor. High eccentric, and a little over-emotional, but well qualified. I will place a call to him now. I am sure he would be delighted to examine you.
Jabberwacky: They come across fine, except when you suddenly start changing the subject on me.
User: Wait here. *goes to communications console, places a call*.
Jabberwacky: Chocolate is great, I love chocolate.
User: Doctor McCoy will be here shortly. Unfortunately, I have other duties I must attend to, and cannot linger. Will you be all right until he arrives?
Jabberwacky: I see. Well, if you really must go.
User: Live long and prosper, then. *leaves*.
Jabberwacky: Dammit! You Green Blooded Vulcan! We can't just leave him!