Another Post About My Stupid Body

So, last night I indulged in some heavy-duty therapy for sore, stressed-out back and neck muscles. I drew an extremely hot bubble bath, hooked up the water jet spray gadget I bought a while back and almost never use, lit a scented candle, put on Pachelbel's Canon in D (aka the world's most relaxing piece of music), and settled in for a good long soak.

The thing is, though, that that jet spray gadget really just makes me yearn for a proper jacuzzi bath. Because there are a very limited number of ways to position the nozzle, and none of them are quite right. There's nothing quite like achieving that exact perfect state of boneless relaxation, only to suddenly realize that I actually need bones in order to hold myself in the right position so that the jet is pointing directly where I want it.[1]

The other, far more distressing, thing is that getting into the exact right position for the water jet tends to involve a lot of lying with most of my head under the water. Including my ears. Which, in this case, has led to either water becoming trapped in my ears, or possibly to the heat melting my annoying overabundance of earwax just enough to create a very effective plug. Either way, my ears now feel very uncomfortable, and the world sounds distant, muffled, and strange. It's really, really unpleasant. Also, whipping your head frantically back and forth in a vain attempt to shake water from you eustachian tubes also tends to pretty much undo most of the effects of a massage bath.

On top of it all, I seem to be alternating this week between getting far too much sleep and far too little, and this has been one of the "far too little" days. I am experiencing a deep temptation to just call in sick. Or, OK, to call in tired, sore, and partially deaf. Hmm. Not sure my boss would buy that one...


[1] Between my aching shoulders, you pervert.