A Difficult Post to Write

Apologies for the lack of blog updates over the past few days. Unfortunately, I do have a good excuse.

My stepfather died on Saturday morning. This was neither unexpected nor, in the end, truly unwelcome. We all knew once he was diagnosed with the cancer that it was only a matter of time, and he deteriorated very, very rapidly just during the period I was here. The last two days were difficult ones, as he lost most of his physical and mental facilities, so when the end came, really, it wasn't at all a bad thing. He was not in any great pain, he was well taken care of, and he was prepared. And when he went, he went very peacefully and quietly.

My mother has been holding up amazingly well. I have to say, I am deeply impressed by how well both of them dealt with the whole situation. They handled his illness with a refreshing pragmatism and with great strength of character. They didn't waste time in denial, but instead confronted the reality head-on and set about making the most of the time he had left. And, above all they were unflaggingly honest with each other. The result is that, when the end came, my stepfather knew what to expect and was ready for it, and my mother had already reached the stage of acceptance.

I have to give props, also, to the hospice program and all the people involved. Whenever we needed anything, from supplies to information to reassurance, they got it for us immediately and at no charge. I cannot possibly say enough wonderful things about the hospice nurse, as she consistently provided exactly what was needed in every situation, especially when it came to explaining what to expect and how to do the things that needed to be done. Having to go through this experience without her simply doesn't bear thinking about. And when these people talk about things like "dying with dignity" and "quality of life," it isn't just empty rhetoric. Not only do they believe in it, they see to it that it happens.

As for myself, I'm holding up pretty well, too. To be honest, at this point I'm mainly relieved that it's over. The last few days and weeks haven't been easy on anyone. I've been very worried about my mother, but being here these last couple of weeks has reassured me that, difficult as all this is for her, she can deal.

But I'm definitely going to miss him. My stepfather was one of life's genuine characters, and he was one of the most generous and giving people I've ever known. Although I was already in college when he and my mother married, he treated me as his own daughter. And he made my mother happy, which is far and away the most important thing. Despite my immediate sense of relief, I am deeply sorry that he's gone. But I'm glad I was here at the end.

The funeral isn't until Friday, but I'm not going to stay. I would if Mom needed me, but her mother is flying in today, and my sister is going to be here tomorrow, so she'll have family here for support. I know many people find the closure provided by attending a funeral important or emotionally comforting, but I personally don't, and Mom understands and is OK with that. They way both of us see it, I was here for the part that actually mattered. And I do have other responsibilities I really need to get home to.

So I'll be heading home this afternoon. I'll be getting into Socorro fairly late, and I have to be back at work tomorrow afternoon, so it may be a while before I have the chance to get caught up on my e-mail and get in touch with people personally. Thanks for bearing with me.

And I really am OK. Honest.