Monday, October 07, 2013

Stressed-Out October Currentlies

Current clothes: Blue jeans. My "let's say you've gone back in time" t-shirt, with instructions on how to invent stuff if you get trapped in the past. White socks. No shoes at the moment, although I ought to put some slippers on, because my feet are cold.

Current mood: Surprisingly calm and collected, interspersed with moments when I honestly feel like I'm about to have a panic attack.

Current music: Nothing, really.

Current annoyance: I... Yeah, I just want to respond to this by quoting Marvin: "Life. Don't talk to me about life."

Current thing: Telling myself not to click on cnn.com, and then clicking on it anyway, and then wishing I hadn't.

Current desktop picture: Still the same super-sekrit Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal wallpaper as last month.

Current book: I just finished Thorns by Robert Silverberg, which was an odd little novel. Next up is Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel, about which I have heard good things.

Current song in head: Nothing. There is no singing in my head at the moment.

Current refreshment: A can of root beer and some salad. It's the remains of my lunch.

Current DVD in player: I just finished season six of The Big Bang Theory. I have some issues with that show. Some rather big issues, really. But it makes me laugh a lot, so I mostly manage to forgive it.

Current worry: Current circumstances have stirred up all my old worries about the future. Not that they needed much stirring, admittedly. I just can't help fretting about what I will do when I lose my job. Because the way things have been going, it probably is "when" and not "if." Someday, the funding is going to go away for good. And, seriously, what do I do then? I desperately, desperately do not want to leave Socorro, but unless a VLA operator job opens up or something, what work will there be for me here? Will there even be any decent work for me anywhere, given my super-specialized skill set and my one-line resume? Contemplating the possibilities honestly terrifies me. Talking about going back in time... I keep thinking that I want to go back and lambast my teenage self for her choice of college major. I should have studied computer programming. I had real talent for that, once upon a time, and good programmers are always in demand. How much work is there for someone with a bachelor's in astrophysics?

Current thought: Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Everything in my life that I've ever spent too much time panicking about has always come out OK in the end.

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