At Least He Didn't Use A Baseball Bat.

Dear cat,

You want to know what the definition of counterproductive is? Counterproductive is when in your desperate attempt to get me out of bed to feed you, you start knocking books off the headboard shelf and onto the bed, causing me to a) throw you out of the room as part of my zero-tolerance book-attack policy, and b) decide that even though I'm perfectly ready to get up at that point, I'd better lie there for at least a few minutes so you don't get it into your little kitty head that your behavior was successful, and then c) proceed to fall back to sleep for another couple of hours.

I hope this was a useful lesson for you, because, frankly, I could have used those two hours and now I feel all groggy.

Affectionately exasperated,
Me