Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Why, Yes. 15 Years Later, and I Do Still Hear "Watch out for the Tram Car" in My Dreams.

OK, I doubt the vast majority of these will mean anything whatsoever to most people reading this, but, man, this list has filled me with a deep and intense sense of nostalgia. It's also given me a massive craving for a cheesesteak, some Herr's chips, a birch beer, and some Taskycakes.



You Know You're From South Jersey When...

You don't "go to the beach", you go "down the shore".

In your mind you hear "watch out for the tram car please" even in your sleep.

You've had arguments over cheesesteak quality.

When it snows more than an inch, you call it a blizzard.

You know someone named Siprasiut Xayapachan.

You've actually found the Echelon Mall.

Your uncle is in the mafia.

You or your friends have Lyme Disease.

You don't understand why there aren't more 24-hour diners elsewhere in the country.

You know what a Wawa is, and know the location of at least 15 of them.

You know what became of the 13th Leeds child, and claim to have seen him one time while peeing in the woods.

One time you were driving in the woods and got stuck in sand.

You have an EZ Pass, but you just hold it up.

Even though there's a new Wal-Mart in your town, you still go to the Berlin Farmers Market for cheap stuff.

Your neighborhood demonstrates co-existence of African-Americans and racist rednecks.

You know that you should get the hell out of Camden before dark.

Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April ann May.

You buy Shop-Rite brand food at Shop-Rite.

Honesty, sincerity, and courtesy are things you once saw happen in Ohio.

You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle.

You think the Olive Garden is a bunch of crap and should not open restaurants in South Jersey.

You worked at a blueberry farm when you were 13.

You played soccer from Kindergarten through high school.

You've counted the number of titty bars on the Black Horse Pike.

You always went to the Franklin Institute when you were a kid.

Your middle school hangout was the mall.

You have an unusable, piece-of-shit boat in your front yard.

You once skipped school and went to Wildwood.

You're Italian.

You know where to get the best bagel.

You've called someone an "asshole" to their face at the Philly airport.

You say "water" weird.

Even your school made good Italian subs, but you call them hoagies.

You've almost fallen asleep on the Expressway.

You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and fires, but have never seen a tornado, earthquake or volcano.

You can't believe MTV went to Seaside Heights.

You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation.

You never had school on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur.

You take day trips to New York City.

The mafia runs half the businesses in your town.

You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law.

In the woods behind your house, you can find couches, washing machines, and shoes.

You don't have to go to Red Lobster to get fresh seafood.

You go to at least one parade at the boardwalk each year.

You've made a meal out of Tastycakes, Herr's BBQ potato chips, and Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer.

You know the Atlantic City High School marching band can lay down some phat beats.

You know New Years is all about the Mummers and the Polar Bear club.

You smoke Parliament Lights.

You go to the local Fire Department barbeque in June.

Down the road, in the middle of nowhere, is an Egyptian restaurant and a custard stand with a minature golf course.

You know what custard is in South Jersey.

You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (with automatic scoring!)

In high school, you worked at a Friendly's.

Route 206 doesn't freak you out at night.

One time, a sea gull shit all over your head.

You once said, "It smells like Philadelphia in here."

You know that people from the 609 area code are "a little different".

Your mom still loves Bruce Springsteen.

You know it can be -10 degrees and 70 degrees in January in the same year.

There's a fruit and vegetable stand down the road.

You will always say "YO", and you'll say it often.

You scoff at tourists in Philadelphia.

Your town has an online commmunity.

At least one person brings Big Fizz to a party.

You go to another state and sit at a gas station wondering when the people will come out to pump your gas.

You have your own bucket for carmel corn refills.

You know that no matter how much they put into the Camden waterfront Camden is still Camden.

You have to mail your relocated friends tastykakes.

You think North Jersey is a different state and South Jersey deserves its own secession.

Your high school prom was at the Camden Aquarium or The Mansion in Voorhees.

You have season passes to Great Adventure.

You refuse to call Hoagies "subs."

You know where Olga's Diner is on rt 70.

You are tired of people not believing you're from jersey because you don't have a New York accent.

You drive by a farm every time you get in the car.

You know what "jimmies" are and refuse to call them anything else.

Eastern Regional High School has a rip list every year!

Your neighbor is either a painter, a plumber, a builder, or an electrician with a work truck in the driveway.

You have crossed all 5 bridges into Philly at one point in your life.

You take day trips to philly to walk on South Street.

You have had a near or close call experiences hitting a deer with your car.

You run around in the nearest patch of woods and play paint ball with your buddies.

You've considered renaming "the Garden State" to "the Hoagie State"

You have a story about the "Hell Hole" ride in Wildwood.

You remember the ducks in the middle of Cherry Hill Mall.

You call the Berlin Farmer's Market the Berlin Auction or the Auction.

You took your report card to Clementon Park for free tickets.

You've had some of the best parties in a field.

Other people dont know what funnel cake and water ice is because everyone else calls it fried dough and slush.

You went "diner hopping" till the sun came up.

You don't acknoledge that it is tomorrow until either you go to sleep or the sun comes up.

You know where to buy a katana for less than $50.

You go on dates to diners and arcades.

You have empty Wawa half gallon iced tea bottles all over your car and room.

You've ever driven around aimlessly for hours with your friends saying "So, whatta we doin?"

You've ever said the phrase "look at fricken MacGyver over here!"

You know the difference betwine the train and the speedline.

The term "I think of you as a brother" turns into a whole family tree.

You ever drove all the way to the shore just to walk around for 5 minutes then drive back.

Your memories of places all consist of what you did there once when you were fucked up.

You ever went over someone's house to hang out with their mom.

You have a knife collection, a PS2, a cell phone, a pager, and a computer but you can't afford to get your car fixed.

One of your hangouts is a parking lot.

You say "'lanic city", instead of Atlantic City.

You can't get that sand out of your toes no matter how long it's been there.

You haven't been able to find a decent stromboli since moving out of South Jersey.

You've seen a shack with a satellite dish.

You know that a Jug Handle is both a feature of the highway and a bar that looks like someone's house in Maple Shade.

You know of at least 3 bars where you know they won't card you.

You lived near a "crick" not a creek.

You don't recognize any one at your family reunion.

You say "gimme" instead of give me, or "com' mer" instead of come here.

You know a Chrissy and we all know she's gotten around!

You think we should sell north "Joisey" to New York for $24.

Everyone eventually starred at the Latin Casino.

You never could figure out which was the Black Horse Pike or The White Horse Pike.

You're a female and have beaten the crap out of at least one guy who wasn't your brother.

You ever taken your parents car while they were asleep or away, before you were old enough to drive.

You ever cut your foot on a broken bottle in a local stream.

You have gotten bad poison ivy from hiding in a bush to make weird noises at the people passing by.

There is a dead body somewhere in or near the stream by your house.

You have to drive at least 30-60 minutes to get to work in order to make more than $10 an hour.

You know what "pulling a camper" means and do it publicly when it is necessary.

You know that a "Yield" sign is merely a suggestion.

You've considered going to your high school late at night to check for ghosts in the halls rumoured haunted.

You think pit bulls are harmless.

You don't think you have an accent.

Half your high school went to Camden County College.

You know what the song "V-town" is about.

Your front yard is made out of stones.

Everything is "twenty minutes away". If you ask how long it takes to get any place in South Jersey, the person always says, "about twenty minutes". To get to a mall, "Oh, about 20 minutes". To get to the airport, "Mmm, about 20 minutes." To get from Runnemede to Philly, "Only about 20 minutes". Try it. Only the shore areas take more than "twenty minutes". They're usually "an hour and twenty minutes."

Thrift shopping with friends is an event.

You've intentionally stood in front of the tram car, and you're upset that it no longer stutters.

You remember the old Morey's Pier before the fire.

Your parents gave in and bought you a hermit crab when you were down the shore.

You curse off three drivers in two minutes.

You went to StoryBook Land as a kid.

You haven't moved out of state soley for the reason you know the food is that bad everywhere else.

WHIPOORWILL!! WHIPOORWILL!!

You know the one-day sale at JC Penny's really lasts three.

You live in a "dry town" and every road out of it has a liquor store at the town border.

Every time someone in Hollywood makes fun of Jersey, you're mad and proud at the same time.

Your big elementary school trip was to Springdale Farms.

You know what the conductor is going to say for every stop on the PATCO HighSpeedline.

Your neighborhood has a name that ties people together, as in "the kids"

Your shoes have turned black from being in Pennsauken.

You know at least 5 people who work at a prison.

You say "porta reeko" instead of puerto rico, as it should be pronounced.

You go to college and describe where you live in reference to how far you are from Cherry Hill.

You come home from college for christmas break and 75% of your HS graduating class is at the same diner you are at 3am.

You aren't scared of the speed line.

You don't even care when you leave your door unlocked.

More than one of your friends has spent more than a week at your house.

You've lived in a row home.

Making left turns just doesn't feel right anymore.

You have a super secret place to sled that in better than anywhere else in town!

You remember The Garden State Race Track and the day it burnt to the ground and all the tons of ashes that fell for miles.

You can spend the day at the Berlin Auction shopping at the outside flea market.

"Jeet?" makes sense when you hear it.

The only thing you can play on guitar is "Stairway to Heaven"

You were amazed Moorsetown was on MTV Cribs.

A member of your family does not have all of their teeth.

You know Voorhees used to be known as Kirkwood.

You had a birthday party at Xhilarama.

You've been to 2 or more festivals named after some kind of fruit (strawberry, apple, blueberry, lima bean).

You're astounded when a friend that moves tells you theres not a Wawa nor CVS withen a 10 mile radius of them.

Going to New York is a huge trip but Philly is someplace to go when you're bored.

You think Amish people are amazing.

Your whole school knows when each water ice place opens, and the line goes on forever!

You would drop everything you were doing and run to the voting polls right now if you heard we were voting to make North and South Jersey separate states.

Summer is a process, not a season.

You've ever been to Wheaton Village.

You know which places were built on indian burial grounds.

You've slept behind a Wawa.

You remember Caldor.

You've had a dinner with your friends for less than $3.

You don't know that in every other state, people get their liscenses when they're 16.

Everyone you know has had Confirmation but never goes to church.

After seeing a movie at the Ritz, you hang out at Tunes and then play Scrabble at Coffeeworks.

You know all of the "back roads" to get everywhere and prefer them to the expressway.

You think a mountain is any landform taller than your house.

You know what a "shoe-bie" is and can pick one out at the beach.

You go to Delaware to buy smokes.

You can name all the flavors of salt water taffy.

You can smell and know when it's low tide.

You remember the bad gypsy moth years.

You eat at restaurants that have locations I, II, III, IV, and V.

You know that you don't put ketchup on boardwalk fries.

You get three 50's in a row when you play skeeball.

Donald Trump is mentioned at least daily in your local paper.


You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from south Jersey.


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