The Weirdest Episode Guide Ever

Armed with a random poetry generator, I unleash myself upon an unsuspecting World Wide Web! After brutally savaging my own blog site, I turn my evil text-mangling weapon upon a hapless series of Farscape episode transcripts. The result: Farscape Season Four... in verse!

Don't worry, the results aren't remotely coherent enough to contain spoilers. Actually, some of these came out pretty darned funny, if you ask me. Though I'm more than a little worried about the poem-generator program's apparent Chiana-in-bondage fetish. (Oh, man the search engine hits I'm gonna get from that one!)

I'm tempted to go on and do the rest of the series. Or possibly Blake's 7. But this really is way more than enough excitement for one evening...

Anyway, here ya go. Enjoy!

"Crichton Kicks"

Crichton Just
so few SIKOZU as a
second is using the beard, and
white light pouring
out of
the beast bounces
toward Sikozu;
The your capacity for...
others. Satisfied, she flees
across the toubray flesh,
I... knew where GRUDEK He
runs across an mp3 version of the fall. JOHN She
pursues him is dragged backward,
and cut back he picks up
Hello? PILOT snap to.


"What Was Lost Part 1: Sacrifice"

What the old woman
JOHN What looks
over, this planet.
The voices. quiet A
thundering explosion, of it. And coughs. Jool stands
and can and cycles.


"What Was Lost Part 2: Resurrection"

What we have JOHN Prying his
shoulder for
the bars. JOOL quietly
dropping from his
forearm
and Grayza, angry glance
JOHN O.S.] over the old woman
barely taking the
surf rolls them Chiana at the
seat, behind the short tunnel
on
the faulty weapon. in
the dark ship,
They JOHN tries to where the top John
spotting in
direction, and nose he does not make
it toward her, shoulder.


"Promises"

Promises She lies in the
harsh blue tinged with four. or I leave
Moya COMMAND COMMAND filling the
head to She be killed. her!
legs ULLOM disrupting it
COMMAND CARRIER Command Whine TRANSPORT Pod
Sometime shortly
John not remember? nothing A
silencer on
him. at the blue nebula.


"Natural Election"

Natural selection. NORANTI No, notebook. JOHN
takes
a close
enough finally to some kinda weird
plant, Celebration frozen for Officer Sun
Astonishing as she grabs Rygel on top
of Arms. before have spoken word
radiation.


"John Quixote"

John O.S.] he
pushes the top [pulse rifle.
Turning away from bound Chiana Up... for arns!
I GILINA CHIANA
bound Chiana and tie, quite getting
up, dazed.


"I Shrink, Therefore I Am"

I love the hamman side. on the
suckers. AERYN exhibit signs
that he understand 1812, on
whatever got no one hand against the
armor. encasing his
keypad, and forth, tiny
Aeryn Crichton, how did you
RYGEL his feet, and we
get to the
door SCORPIUS arms open doorway.
close on the bottom of
light and the red indicator lights switch to the pulse
rifle skating away
bleeding no but
seen JOHN Well, have been ordered
to
your crewmates.


"A Prefect Murder"

A dozen clansmen saw
the back to kill PAROOS [hovering just above
him, John a gloved hands His side...
and Aeryn lying sprawled unconsious on his side,
of the
table. watching his chin
and and harsh-- but to,
Sikozu drops out of many How many people
ZERBAT to that. means Prefect
Falaak You back
and Sikozu on green
winged bug on the market, toward through
his killer brought them John ZERBAT
And she... sits
and driving him
to stand. close behind Sikozu By two
pulse fire. but
oh and AERYN lifts the device She
walks away. [


"Coup by Clam"

Coup to cure whoever it
will give
more DOC TUMI
Perhaps when this
with SIKOZU Do you SIKOZU
Yes!
AERYN No. longer than dancing.
Interrogations. Long, time
THE authorities. SCORPIUS
having descended the
moment CHIANA As your scream off
power Yeah! and have their fingers.


"Unrealized Reality"

Unrealized reality. verison of the pier, JOHN takes
hold of his feet. appears younger than fear
is there before?
DK We mean I know...
if coming, I get us down, the
control console. beside him. bodily toward the
wide embraces John.